Goat Simulator 3 mobile mini review

Goat Simulator is back! The third part of the franchise was released on Android and iOS yesterday, offering nearly the same experience as the PC and console versions of the game. And it comes in earlier too, well at least earlier than the Steam version.

Sooo…. what happened to Goat Simulator 2? Nothing, there is no Goat Simulator 2. There is Goat Simulator and Goat Simulator 3. I don’t know why, you don’t know why, the developers don’t know why, there just isn’t GS2. Let’s leave it at that. If you want to go down the rabbit hole, you can google the topic (and get no answers).

Anyway, this is Goat Simulator 3, a bonkers open-world sandbox game where you control Pilgor, a goat that decided to stray away from the traditional goat-like life by wrecking havoc across the island of San Angora. Your weapons of choice, headbutt, lick and triple-jump.

The map is large, filled with events, secrets, collectibles and missions to the brim. You won’t get bored easily as there is always something to do. One of the very first missions is to unlock your den of evil, your very own goat tower with throne room and everything. It will serve as a base of operation for future missions, and a nice place to admire your progress. If you don’t have a progress to admire to, admire your cosmetics. Dress up, pretend you’re a ballerina, paint your body do a challenge or two. Sky is the limit (quite literally).

Getting around is simple enough, touch-screen controls are great and events will auto-trigger on-screen messages as you approach them. No complaints in that department, everything feels great. Run, jump, slide on power-line cables or drive some vehicle to get around, empower your body with oil, fire or even electricity, scare the innocent dumb creatures otherwise known as humans and show them who’s the GOAT.

Goat Simulator 3 Gameplay Video, recorded on Samsung Galaxy S22 Ultra

The game is pretty lightweight at around 2GB (give or take), considering it is open world and runs on Unreal Engine 5. Actually, I am not entirely sure if the mobile version runs on UE5 or 4, but that’s irrelevant as the game won’t let you adjust any of the graphic settings. A shame really as I am pretty sure my Snapdragon Gen 1 CPU could push a little more pixels from what you can see in the video. The resolution looks like sub 720p, upscaled to whatever your screen resolution is. Furthermore, the screenshots on the Play Store are either fake, or my device is somehow cursed and I got the downgraded version by accident.

Otherwise, the game runs smoothly enough, except it has a tiny resource loading problem. Even after compiling all the shaders upon launch, you can notice significant slow-downs when scenery suddenly changes. For example, some object will often pop-up out of nowhere, just like that. Take a look at the tornado part near the end of the video and you will notice the stutters when the device is clearly slowing down to load the textures.

Other than that, Goat Simulator 3 is a game worthy to be added to your collection. The price tag of 12.99$ (price may vary across regions) is fair in my opinion, but I am sure it will be discounted at some point. If you aren’t happy with the visuals, you can always get the game on Epic store (or consoles) for 29.99$ and enjoy it on a bigger screen.

by Dejan B.

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